"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
This morning as I sit at home sick and desperately missing my church family and worship service, I am reflecting on the above verse. It's encouraging to know that God has a plan that may not necessarily be my own. Christ has a perfect plan that is much better than any plan I can think of.
I believe the Lord is truly beginning to teach me a lesson that has been a long time coming. I am a planner. I'm consumed by my plan actually. I have a cleaning schedule for each day. I have a never ending list in my hand at all times. I eat, drink, and sleep by my schedules and lists. Everything seemed to be going great. I had learned to cope with rearranging my schedule once Jewell arrived. It took some time and tear shedding, but I soon learned to adjust. Then I got pregnant, and I spent the first 12 weeks not feeling well. But once school was back in session, I was feeling much better and back to my schedule and list. Then, the Oregon thing happened. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be moving. But right now my house is in shambles. I like things neat and orderly. I've been going crazy! We are currently redoing 2 bathrooms, packing, about to have a baby, and about to redo the flooring in the kitchen and living room. Needless to say, those were definitely NOT on my list of things to do all at once. Oh, and did I mention that every room is 1/4 packed? I was beginning to cope with all this and started trying to plan when the baby would arrive. I know, this can't really be done, but you can't tell a planner that. They have to learn it. I was convinced he'd come this weekend. But instead, the Lord allowed for me to catch a horrible virus. Yesterday, I cried for an hour. I had planned to walk up hills, clean and organize my cars to fit 2 car seats, reorganize my hospital bag, and try to pick up the house as much as one can when it's in it's current condition. Instead, I took care of Jewell while lying on the floor coughing. My chest is extremely heavy, it's hard to breath, and my cough seems torturous. I had a fever yesterday and I was miserable. So this morning I stayed home from church.
I'm not trying to complain. I say all this, so I can look back a year from now or maybe many years, to remember how God taught me that it's HIS way, not mine. God is breaking me. And I'm so grateful for it. Deep down I know I needed to be broken. And I am reminded, that HIS way is PERFECT. For now, I'm just sitting back and learning. No more trying to get baby to come early so I can heal before moving, no more stressing out because my house looks like I'm moving. I quit. I'm going to let the Lord lead.
"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."
2 Samuel 22:31