Thursday, November 21, 2013

Snow Fun and Evan Update

We finally have enough snow to play in this year! The kids were so excited to find it so thick when they woke up this morning. I promised them we'd play in it together when Jewell got home from school today. Boy did they have fun :). Jefferson has a bad cold, so he wasn't necessarily in the greatest mood at times in some of the following pictures!

Evan turned 4 weeks today! He's doing just fine. He's eating like a champ, and according to my scale he's a bit over 9 lbs! 

Evan at 4 weeks!

Not so happy...

Mommy! I need a nap!!!

Jewell had a ton of fun making snow angels outside. Once we came inside I put Jefferson straight to bed. Jewell and I enjoyed reading her new Scholastic books and drinking hot chocolate. She was so excited that she got to drink out of my snowman mug :).

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Just One Year Ago

I'll never forget November 19, 2012. It was the last night I was pregnant with my 3rd child. The child that is gone but not forgotten. My angel baby.

The 19th was a long day. The kids had a ton of appointments and activities. And I had been sick with a horrible cough and cold for 16 days. I finally sat down during naps and finished my Black Friday shopping list. I had noticed a decrease in movement from my baby that day, but I did feel him move a few times during that short break. That night I went to the store to finish up my Thanksgiving dinner shopping. I felt funny in the store and decided it was just that I was tired. I got home around 9:30 and then prepped dinner for the next day. By the time I got to bed I fell right to sleep.

When I woke up the next day I did notice that I didn't feel the baby move. I had a doctor's appointment in an hour though so I wasn't too worried. Little did I know how that doctor's appointment would change my life. It was strange to hear no heartbeat on the doppler. It was even more strange to walk out of a hospital room with only a box of memories. Not memories of my baby smiling, but memories of his lost life at just 6 months gestation.

I've been through a lot this year. Stillbirth is tough. I can't say that I've fully grieved the loss of Ezekiel. I don't think I ever will actually. At times it feels like I lost him just yesterday. And other times it feels like I lost him 10 years ago. It pains me when I hear people comment about my 3 kids that they see me with. I always want to correct people and tell them that they are wrong because I actually have 4 kids. I carried him and gave birth to him! He should count too!

I will always miss my son. He is the lucky one though. He truly is the lucky one. I'm so blessed to know that he's in Heaven perfect and whole. We don't know why we lost him. The autopsy showed nothing. But we do know that God is good. He had a plan for Ezekiel's life, just like he has a plan for our lives. He planned for me to carry my son and give him straight back to God. God is good. It's by His grace that I was able to get through this year. His grace that helped me get through another pregnancy after losing Ezekiel. His grace. And I'm so thankful for all He has done for me.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

On the Night Evan Was Born

I finally got around to looking at pictures of before Evan's birth and after his birth. Here they are!

Getting monitored since the heart rate kept dropping at the doctor.

They decided to keep me. I had no clue that I was in labor at this point.

Right after they broke my water. I'm updating Facebook so everyone knew I was for sure in labor! I was dilated to an 8. This pose did not last long as 2 minutes later the worst contractions of my life hit me. 45 minutes later, baby came!

Matt took a picture of the bad contraction.

Why hello Evan Joseph! All 7 lbs 2 oz of you :).

I had a super short cord, so I had to wait for them to cut it before holding him. I'm one happy Mommy at this point.

Adoring my sweet baby boy.

Big sister Jewell holding Evan.

Jefferson just adored him.

Grammy holding her grandson for the first time.

Daddy showing off his 3rd son!

This is one happy big brother!

Aunt Stephanie holding Evan.

Evan was by far my most alert baby. I truly believe it's because I didn't have an epidural.

These pictures are from the next day. Jewell left her glasses at home :(. I was up the entire night the night he was born in horrible pain. And the narcotics really messed me up. They made me super anxious and I was convinced I needed to watch to make sure Evan was breathing the entire night. So I don't look the greatest in the following pictures.

View of Denver from our room.

My kids loved the stethoscope attached to the bassinet. 

Uncle David and Evan.

Jefferson made sure Evan got his gifts.

First family photo!

Downtown Denver at night :)

No worries here. We fixed his car seat right away!